Whrandom Writings

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A vampire joke

Posted by Nollo on April 2, 2015
Posted in: Uncategorized.

Mrs Vampire was sitting on the couch watching television. Her teenage daughter, Suzy vampire walks through the front.

Mrs Vampire exclaims “Why honey, I thought you were gonna be gone all night for your date. What happened?”

Suzy throws down her coat in a huff “He was was jerk and he lied to me, so… I came home!” She sits down, puffs up her cheeks and exclaims “Jerk!”

Mrs Vampire  comfort her daughter “That’s a shame, after all that talk about him being a positive young man.”

“That’s just the thing mom” Suzy says. “He wasn’t positive at all! He was B negative!”

Billboards

Posted by Nollo on August 6, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized.

dat ad copy

Guts History: Kurt Christoph Graf von Schwerin

Posted by Nollo on July 21, 2014
Posted in: GATTSU.

Still got no drive to write. A boat without a rudder or sail. I just kind of sit here in the water. Perhaps, what I need is shot of Guts from the past. This idea has been floating in my head for a while now. Recounting moments in history that displayed or embodied the idea guts. Guts can be defined as being courage, fortitude, unwavering determination, etc… personally I think it’s all of these things combined to the umpteenth degree.  To twist the threads of fate with will alone.
That is Guts and this is Guts History.

Now the event that I am going to talk about takes place during the Seven Years War, On May 6th 1757 at the Battle of Prague Between Frederick the Great’s Prussian army and the Austrians. General field Marshall  Kurt Christoph Graf von Schwerin. A general under the command of Frederick. Schwerin and his regiment had found themselves under heavy fire by the Austrians and in the remains of a pond which had left troops wading through mud and water , hard to traverse let alone under enemy fire. Schwerin’s forces had begun to waiver and where in disarray. Schwerin dismounts from his horse takes the Prussian flag into his hands and calls to his troops

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Christoph_Graf_von_Schwerin

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Christoph_Graf_von_Schwerin

“Let all brave Prussians follow me!”
He then leads from the front his troops into a push against the Austrians. Moments later Schwerin is struck with a grape shot and is instantly killed.

Source: http://www.kronoskaf.com/syw/index.php?title=Image:Schwerin_Infantry_at_Prague.jpg

Source: http://www.kronoskaf.com/syw/index.php?title=Image:Schwerin_Infantry_at_Prague.jpg

Why is this a Guts moment?
Schwerin had before this battle, been of a veteran of over 50 years, and favored by Frederick the Great, one the greatest generals this world has ever seen. Schwerin was a man who raised through the ranks not by nobility, but by merit. He was by no means a slouch on the battlefield, and before this battle had distinguished himself on the battlefield time after time. This was was a time of the long rifle which was a rifle that had to be reloaded after each shot,  before machine guns or automatic guns in general. A time where guts and brave charges was a still viable strategy. Schwerin with his years of experience could of most likely felt the battle shifting and the moral of his men faulting. Schwerin did what he had to do to keep the morale of his troops. By leading the troops and subsequently being shot, he demonstrated how a man should act in such a dire situation, with GUTS. His words and actions must of rung heavily for his men. This was the only outcome for brave Prussians, death but it was the only outcome for victory as well.

And wouldn’t you know it, it worked. After Schwerin fell another man, took the the flag and kept marching forward, and when that man fell, another took his place. Schwerin’s infantry, under heavy fire, in muddy conditions and even without their Field Marshall, continued to march forward. Schwerin under overwhelming circumstances willed this part of the battle to his favor.

The Death of Field Marshal von Schwerin at the Battle of Prague, 6th May 1757 Source:http://barcalonga.blogspot.com/2014/05/today-in-military-history-may-6-2014.html

The Death of Field Marshal von Schwerin at the Battle of Prague, 6th May 1757
Source:http://barcalonga.blogspot.com/2014/05/today-in-military-history-may-6-2014.html

Yet it was at a great loss to the Prussian army.

Sir Andrew Mitchell an ambassador from Great Britain recounts “The whole Prussian army are now in tears for the loss of Marechal (Marshall) Schwerin, of the greatest officers this or perhaps any country has produced, and one of the best of men.
The King of Prussia (Frederick) is well but greatly afflicted for the loss of Marechal Schwerin.” *

Today Schwerin is still remembered and a statue is erected to where he fell.

*From the Memoirs and Papers of Sir Andrew Mitchell, K.B. by Andrew Bisset, London: Chapman and HAll 186, Strand, 1850.

Sources:
The story of Civilization Vol. X by Will and Ariel Durrant

Memoirs and Papers of Sir Andrew Mitchell
http://books.google.com/books?id=JAo6AAAAcAAJ&pg=PA245&lpg=PA245&dq=andrew+mitchell+schwerin&source=bl&ots=7ykZHE3UjF&sig=dJMZV9KMyUs9mZs6dLbXDST__Yo&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYLNU7HcIZGJogSGkICADw&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=andrew%20mitchell%20schwerin&f=false
http://www.kronoskaf.com/syw/index.php?title=1757-05-06_-_Battle_of_Prague
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Christoph_Graf_von_Schwerin

Albert II and Laika Part uno

Posted by Nollo on July 17, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized.

Albert II’s eyes came into focus, with lights glowing softly over head. They dance lightly in and out of view. He tilts his head forward and realizes that he’s being pulled by the end of his space suit by two dogs. Yet, somethings not right. He feels a chill up his tail into his spine.
“Something’s terribly wrong” Albert II surprises himself that he’s able to talk but before even given the chance to think about it, his mouth goes agape. He’s not being dragged by Dogs.
“Dogs don’t have 6 legs!” The creatures turn their gaze towards him and Abert II goes into shock and screams
“Dogs don’t have 4 compound eyes and green fur and terrible.. terrible  and and and OHOHH AAHHH AHHH AHH
ALIENS OHH AHH AHH! ”
His adrenaline kicks in and he unbuckles his pants and flings himself back with such force that the creatures stumble forwards having lost the mass of the macaque. Albert with arms outstretched and with the gentleness of a natural acrobat landed in handstand and through instinct alone. Through the training he had seized in Astrochimp training he grabs at the opportunity and gently let his momentum swing around and he thrust out. ZOOM! he flies like a javelin at the one of the aliens and strikes it in the face, knocking it unconscious. The other aliens turns to face the attacker, but Albert II has already climbed the side of the wall and is coming down with an aerial attack. He buries his furry fist deep into the aliens skull and down it goes down as well.
Albert II after assessing the that all hostiles had been neutralized slumps down with eyes furrowed begins to think.
Stuck behind enemy lines, location unknown.
He feels the weight of the situation on him and it pushes him down, his eyes glaze over and eyelids begin to close and he remembers. The light, the soothing beautiful light, and the horror that  followed. He jumps back, heart poounding, like it was about to burst out of his chest.
“That’s right, this is no time to be dozing…” he stops, he’s not alone, and from out the shadows  another creature jumps out and tackles him and they both tumble about the floor. A pain rushes through him as the attacker’s jaws clamp down on his left leg.  Albert II clasps his hands together and brings them down like a hammer into the creatures side and it gives out a might yelp.

“Инопланетной нечисти!” the creature screams.
Albert II is stunned “Wait! I know that language. That’s Russian!”
The creature stops as well. Taking a few steps back stepping back into the light. A dog in a cosmonaught suit is reveleaved. She begins to growl.
“гух! Американский мразь!” and leaps at Albert II again.

Small verse

Posted by Nollo on July 17, 2014
Posted in: Small Poems.

Random works that I have been working on

TOO HOT

Too hot to sleep
Too hot to think
So I will greet
The heat and be

LEFT OR RIGHT

Left or right
Blue or red
Liberal or Conservative
They are both
Sides to same the coin

In the American Body
Even though the feet
The lowest rung of the hierarchy
may move ahead
trying to get ahead of its neighbor
The hands
the manipulators
Stay in the pockets
Moving cash from one hole to the next

And when they get dirty
One hand
Always washes the other

COFFEE COFFEE
Coffee coffee the black queen
We suckle at the teat of your dark beans

To drive away the hunger of sleep
To steal the dreams that morpheus reaps
And the terrors that phobias pounds like gin

And for that service rendered what is the price we pay?
“My drones, I only ask for your loyalty” is what she would say
So clasp your hands together with cup to drink
and try not too hard to think

The day after all
has yet to begin

UGGUGGUUUUH

Posted by Nollo on July 17, 2014
Posted in: BS.

I hate writing, but I also hate not writing. I wish I could just make it go all away, but like I’ve said before, ideas for stories, for verse,  just sits in my head, and like a backed up toilet. The shit just keeps rising, and everything goes to hell.  So I just can’t ignore it, I just can’t run away, so I guess I just have to stick my hands in there and clean out the clog.
Somehow

Image from: http://www.phoodie.info/2013/07/19/from-the-desk-of-ernest-hemingway-this-weekend-cuba-libre-celebrates-my-birthday/

Image from:
http://www.phoodie.info/2013/07/19/from-the-desk-of-ernest-hemingway-this-weekend-cuba-libre-celebrates-my-birthday/

Hemmingway once said “The first draft of anything is shit.” Well, fuck you old man, your dead, and now I’m here, and your words although very true, can’t penetrate into my head. I understand that magic doesn’t just appear from nothing, that writing is ultimately a process that is reworked and refined. Yet, i’m afraid, even now to put anything down. Whether it’s laziness, or lack of imagination, I don’t know, I just don’t know. But what really gets to me is that I don’t give it a really good shot, or any shot for that matter. It’s like having a your first match and dying 10 feet from the ring. I didn’t even get to try. I can’t let it end like this
Not like this.
So I’m going to dig, and dig deep to find the energy, the chutzpah to proceed, and I’m going to at least get into the ring and try.

So maybe one of the problems, is that I’m just unwilling to commit to writing whatever comes into my head. I’m always thinking “that it can be better” or that I can do it with “perfection,”  well I am far from from perfection, in everything else in my life, so I’m just going to stop giving a fuck and post whatever and try to at least put words on the screen.
Maybe that’ll work.
Anyway wish me luck!

Tino the Bird

Posted by Nollo on April 24, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized.

To Tino the bird, who died last night.

Tino dead in his cage IMG_0584

 

Tino the bird lived in a dirty cage
He ate what we gave him and drank dirty water every day
He lived in solitude, alone and the cold he braved
Suffered winds, rains, raccoon and even the occasional hawk
And every time we opened his cage he moved away in disdain
And bites those who would dare to get close to him
Yet within his rusted cage he looked out and talked to every-bird he heard
He sang for every noise made
Whether crow, finch, or seagull he played
A song always coming from his noble brain
Now he is no more, just a birds body lying on the bottom of the cage floor
Nevermore to sing for those who would visit his door
Goodbye Tino the bird
Your pain and song is done

 

Cry Cry Cry

Posted by Nollo on April 15, 2014
Posted in: Writings and Poems.

To the child who cries his heart out every night next door

Cry lone child
Cry cry cry
Your father is drunk
And so is your mother
Cry cry cry
No one loves you
No one ever will
Cry cry cry
Cry cry your heart out
Cry for the injustice of being
Brought into this hell hole
Cry cry cry
Cry to be obstinate
Cry to be a nuisance
Cry cry cry
Be defiant
And cry forever
It’s the only way you’ll survive
This sad cruel world

A trip through the mind

Posted by Nollo on April 14, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized.

Sometimes, emotions become too much and in order to deal with them. I do whatever works. This time they grew and grew until they became too much. They grew and bloomed until i walked into a room with Atlas.

 

Towering above me, looming. Then the door, by their own force alone. Closed behind me.

….

A attendant leads a group of tourist through a hall, she addresses them and you without looking back.

“And these are the doors leading into one of the many thoughts of your friend and my mine.”

The attendant smiles.

 

“As you can see there are all shape and sizes and colors, the colors represent the emotions that our friend feels as he is having thoughts, the rooms represent thoughts themselves.”

A small hand raises from the back of the tour.

The attendant turns to the patron and before given a chance to speak the attendant screams.

“How should I know?!”

There is a silence…

The attendant smiles

“Anywho… In order to ensure the safety of the tour. All doors are locked and each lock is separated with a different key.” The attendant looks around and waves at you almost to impart a secret.

 

“Luckily… Tooday… We have accesssss…. To a neeewly created…

 

Door!”  the attendant screams again. This time with a jump and squeal.

You could see that the attendant loved their job.

 

“come right this way” as the attendant leaves you down a long corridor filled with doors. Doors of all kinds sizes and colors like the attendant had said before. New ones for that matter. They are tall marble doors. Corinthian pillars adorned. Yet, with each passing step. Each one grew darker and darker until they were so black. They seem to suck the light from the air around them.

 

“Let’s not dilly dally. Those doors are too dark and nasty.” And with each passing step the color and brightness did return until we are at a door. A grey one which kinda matched the floor.

 

“Here we are, now even though the thought has been recorded please keep your voices down. Enjoy and thank your for touring the mind. We welcome you to stop by anytime”

and with that the heavy marble doors open into a plain room, almost a museum and there in the middle stood a giant, nay kneeling. holding all the heavens upon his shoulders.

 

He spoke.

 

“For I am Atlas. Son of Lapetus. Forced to withhold the Heavens from the Earth for all time.”

“Did not Hercules release you from such heavy burdens”

 

“That was that and this is now.”

 

“I am sorry Atlas for this is my mind and I do not wish to see you burdened anymore.”

In his place I stood  two pillars and with a thank you, he left.

The Spider

Posted by Nollo on April 8, 2014
Posted in: Writings and Poems.

The Spider

I was working one afternoon
tidying an already clean home
I was in the kitchen cleaning
and while moving a knife holder,
out slides the BIGGEST tiny-est

brown spider. I ever seen since.
It dives for the mini oven.
I, of course smile

Hey buddy, you can’t stay, you’ll get squished…

Eventually…

I move the mini oven, exposing it.
It’s inched itself into an indent.
Hidden itself amongst the corners of
two embracing perpendicular tiles.
I try to corral him with the rag in hand.
It wouldn’t budge from the lover’s crack.
I prod it. Poke it. Flick in its direction.
The eight legged dancer scorns my every attempt.

I pick up a knife.
Knife and rag.
A tag team to have it

shimmy onto of the knife to its safety
but it’s on to that
and refuses to get on.
Unwavering stubbornness and
insolence idealized in such a small form.

I become unusually upset
and say
Spider, I can:

Smash you to smitherine.
Pummel you with my pinkie.

Rend you with this rag.
Kill you with this knife
Wreck you with a flick of my wrist.
With just a fraction of my power and
in an instant, end your existence
on this sad cruel world,
right here, right now.

but I won’t! Because
I know you don’t understand
but I’m just trying to help you!
You stupid spider!
Why won’t you let me help you!

and for a split second i thought

had the spider been in any hazard?
or did I feel the spider needed saving?
I stopped myself in front of the rabbit hole.
philosophical quandaries are not my forte

but by continuing with my actions
i risked the spiders life recklessly.
the spider was fine before I had found it

It will be fine after…

I sighed and  took one last look at the spider.

and smooshed it.

Buwahahahaha!
Ha!

No… not really.
I put the mini oven back

and continued working.

 

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